Tinder nightmares…

I always have freaks messaging me on Tinder so, I have decided to make a post with some of the strange people that have messaged me or people I’ve seen on there.



So… Pooyan’s a fucking moron. I didn’t read his bio before I matched with him (stupidly) but he was very quickly unmatched when I read it.

‘ Also like bum me’.




I never quite understand why people start a conversation so sexually but, they do! I also don’t understand why people think that by saying something like that I will be won over? Oh, now you’ve said that Dan I’ll definitely sleep with you.



Now, his first message didn’t surprise me. I get these kinds of messages all the time from people, and although it’s nice to hear is very…uncreative. I’d rather someone message me a riddle or something.

So, after the very short foreplay of compliments, he jumps STRAIGHT in with giving me his number. Now, normally I’d say ‘can we keep it on here’ as I hate giving my number out. But he sent that message far too quickly to have actually typed it out. Hence, my reply. Adam, I’m sorry mate but you’re weird as fuck and you definitely send that to every girl you speak too.




You know what Joe, you’re the first person to understand why I have my hair like this. Every time I go into the barbers to have the back shaved I always request the anal look, and it seems that they’ve finally cracked it (ha ha)! But you’re right Joe, I love anal.




I honestly have nothing to say.




When I first received this message I felt bad… thinking, poor guy needs someone to speak to. But then I thought, no! The Samaritans would never hang up on you if you were low so I could only wonder why he wanted to call someone. To wank aggressively down the phone or harass them? I don’t know. Now, although it may look like it’s my number that I posted it’s not. I actually gave him the number of a guy who had recently massively fucked me over. I wish I could see what happened after I sent that message. Am I evil? Maybe. Is it funny? Fuck yes.




Looking good for 25 Steve. But, what was wrong with the door making you want to scribble it out?




I’m sorry but men are strange creatures. At least the last guy used the right you’re though.




Now it’s very clear Johnny is a massive cunt, it’s also clear that he cannot spell. Although it’s beautifully crafted and I can tell there was such immense passion in every word that he wrote I find it very strange that you would go through such effort to write that to someone.  But that’s fine Johnny you find an animal to fuck you, deranged little boy, while I sit here looking glam as fuck with my extremely proud parents.




And guess who’s just been damned with bad luck for the rest of his days? It’s you Ciaran!




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I think this one explains itself.

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