Will I be single forever? Probably.
Now, that’s quite a statement coming from someone in their early twenties but that’s honestly how I feel at the moment, and have for a while now.
I’ve been single for over a year and a half now and although it doesn’t sound like long it feels like a lifetime to me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve been on many dates in this time none of which ended well. Obviously. So this blog post is just going to be me sharing a few of my dating experiences with the world so people can laugh at my misfortune, basically. And then feel sorry for me.
1. Pablo Escobar’s successor
So, my dating journey begins with the first date that I went on after newly becoming single. I was excited and looking forward to meeting new people and having fun. The guy, who was a lot older than me, picked me up and we went for a few drinks and it was lovely. I was then dropped home and all was well.
We arranged another date after he was home from his holiday which was in two weeks time. During these two weeks, we chatted a lot and got quite close. He returned from his holibobs and I went over to his house and we had a wine night. So we were sat in his lounge drinking and he asked if his friend could come and pick something up, to which I replied ‘Of course! It’s your house!’. His friend then called and asked him to try it first before he picked it up… so now I’m thinking what the fuck does he need to try before this guy comes and collects it? And what did my date do? He gets out some scales, weighs up some MD or Coke (I can’t quite remember) and snorts 3 lines in front of me. Now I’m sat there in disbelief as to what the fuck just happened, while he’s blasting out Fergie from his stereo and texting his mate that it was ‘a great batch’.
Now anyone in their right mind would’ve left immediately, but I had consumed far too many glasses of wine so, couldn’t drive, I had no money for a taxi and no signal to text someone to get them to pick me up. So, I stayed there but went to bed shortly after my date has sniffed some lines.
It’s late at night and I’m laying in this guys bed thinking to myself ‘What the Fuck has my life come too’ whilst trying to pretend I’m elsewhere, like the Caribbean or just at home in my own bed. Then, he decides to join me and lays down beside me. He fell asleep immediately and snored all night whilst proceeding to push me out of the bed. When I woke up he was rubbing my side and saying ‘I love your young, soft body’. Now I’m sorry but that’s creepy AF and in that very moment I’m pretty sure my soul left my body. He then said to me that I needed to leave as he had a night out in Birmingham that night and he had to go. So I ran out of the house in a large t-shirt and socks and drove home. And then tried to wipe the experience from my memory, which clearly didn’t work.
2. The fake phone call
Now the name is quite obvious as to what happened. A guy picked me up, we went to a pub for a drink, he gave me £30.00 and said to go and get the drinks. So, I went up to the bar and didn’t order his as I forgot what he wanted and I just had a Coke. As I walk back to the table his phone conveniently rang and he said that he needed to answer it. Me being young and naive (I was about 18) thought he really had a phone call and would come back. But he never did. So, not only did he do a runner he also lost 30 quid to some random girl. Angry as ever I stormed home, left him shitty messages and got a kebab with the leftover money that he so kindly gifted me.
So who’s the real winner here? Me.
3. The shortest coffee of my life
I don’t know if you’ve ever been on a date with someone who is still massively in love with their ex but it’s weird as fuck and I wouldn’t advise it. At no point in the lead up to the date did the guy say about his undying love for his ex but decided to bombarde me with it in person, which was nice. Throughout the entire date he said about how much he missed her and their 3 cats. Oh, and how they have a joint bank account. Things that strangely, I don’t give a fuck about. When I told him that I was leaving and that it wasn’t going to work he said that I was his ‘exes new replacement’. Nope, nope, nope.
As mean as it seems I find it extremely rude when people speak about their exes on dates. There’s a time and a place for it, and It’s not now. Sorry mate.
Now I’m pretty sure everyone’s had this happen to them but I feel like I’ve had it done to me the most. It’s when you go on a date or speak with someone and they then never speak to you again. I’ve had this happen to me about 6/7 times, I find it cowardly and rude. These men, pursue you for weeks and when you agree to a date and don’t sleep with them they then act like you don’t and ever did exist. On numerous occasions I would message them after thanking them, out of courtesy, and get no response. I have so much more respect for people who are upfront about their feelings rather than ignoring you and making you feel like you did something wrong, or you weren’t good enough for them. When 100% of the time It’s never you, it’s always them. So you just have to try and remain head strong that It’s never you, and who would want someone that ignores them anyway? Not me!
I went on a date with a guy who looked nothing like his photos, (not a great start) and he then spent the entire date talking about his love for Satan and demons. I mean, on a first date probably not a great idea to start talking about your love for Satan, pal. He was also partially def, with no hearing aid so was just shouting at me and then he fucked off (luckily) about 40 minutes into the date because he wanted to go to a festival instead.
And I’m still single but I’ve eased off on the dating and know that randoms from dating sites are on there for a reason.