I think I’m just going to make this a weekly thing, where I just post all of the strange messages that I receive from people on Tinder in that week. So, enjoy.
1. Spit or Swallow?
The amount of people that go on Tinder because they’re bored is quite alarming. Why would you go on a dating site when you’re bored? It’s not a game you douche. And rather than going on Tinder when you’re bored, why don’t you read a book you illiterate fuck.
2. Fucking tool.
So, this guy wanted to see my Rick & Morty tattoo (which is fucking awesome by the way), and then said he was ‘expecting better’ and that he hated my favourite band. Well JJ you’ll be surprised to know I was expecting someone who wasn’t a complete cock, but guess we can’t always have what we want can we.
3. Just why?
I would have to say mine Phil. That way I know where I can bury your body and the cops won’t find it.
4. Marcin = A modern day Shakespeare
I’m going to be honest this bio made me laugh more than it should’ve. He has such a way with words, but I’m 99% sure that Snapchat never did a ‘Mikky Mouse’ filter.
‘If u eat sausage and bacon for breakfast then GO AWAY !!! ;)’
5. ‘I’m 8 inches’
I was going to say how big my cock is but I didn’t want to make him self conscious. But thanks again Alex, ya nasty!
6. Matthew with the double ended big black dildo
I’ve never seen so many different sex toys in one place before! This guy must have a loyalty card with Ann Summers or something. I do think though that he should stop spending so much money on dildos etc, and more money on decorating his hovel of a living room.
But I do appreciate the effort that little Matthew from Cardiff put in placing all of those toys on his carpet, taking the photo and then posting it online. 10/10 for effort Matthew.
7. ‘ I wouldn’t even try to take advantage’
I find this conversation quite disgusting, I laughed because I didn’t really know what to say and was frankly, shocked. But not raping someone doesn’t make you a gentleman. It makes you a normal human being. And if you have to tell someone you’re not a rapist it’s not a good sign. The way that some of these men think is fucking disgusting!
BLOCK & REPORT.
8. Your friends fit!
Now I get this all the time, I have ONE photo with my friends and they all think I’m the person who only appears in that one photo. Now either he’s fucking retarded or a moron? Or both! So I asked my friend if she wanted his number, to which she replied ‘ew, no!’ (ha ha fuck you Aaron). And instead I did my old, but great trick of sending him a guys number that I didn’t like. ZING.
9. Oreo’s anyone?
The good stuff being my hairy vag? If so then sure William, go for it! Lick away!
10. Nob for dinner anyone?
First things first (I’m the realest) – I couldn’t resist -, why oh why would you have this as your main photo? Secondly, why are you sat at a dinner table? Is someone having your penis for tea? (probably no one as it looks revolting). Thirdly, why isn’t it even hard? You’re not impressing anyone Ati with your small, flaccid penis.