1 is the loneliest number… or so they say.

I’ve been single now for coming up to two years.
And on one hand I love it and am very happy. I have a busy job, I go to the gym and see my friends whenever I like. I love that I can do everything on my own terms, eat Maccies twice a week in bed, spend all my money on random shit I find in the Primark Home section and all that crap.
But on the other hand, I do feel very lonely.
Whenever I talk to people about how I hate being alone or even if my friends say they feel lonely, the response is always the same. ‘You don’t need a man to be happy!’ or ‘embrace the single life’. And that’s great guys, thanks. But 1) these people are either in relationships or 2) they just can’t ever be tied down and love the single life a bit too much.
And yes, I know I ‘don’t need a man to be happy’. I don’t NEED a partner, I’m perfectly capable of doing things that need to be done. I have great friends and an amazing family, I can change a car tyre and can kick back with some hand embroidery as well as the next person. I understand.
But this doesn’t change the fact I still feel lonely.
I don’t feel alone in the sense that I feel physically alone, but more in a sense that I feel like a part of my life is missing…sometimes. And I don’t want people thinking I sit at home crying into junk food every night or anything, but it would be bloody nice if someone could remain in my life for longer than a week and actually want to be with me. * a tiny violin plays in the background*
And it’s OK to feel like this.
But what really fucks me off is that feeling lonely is almost like admitting a weakness. We’re pack animals, right? We’re made to be paired off, to procreate and work as a team. This is just normal, so it’s also normal that when you’re not part of this couple, you feel and find yourself wanting to be.
I’ve found that now a lot of my friends are in happy long-term relationships, I’ve turned into their weird adopted child who hangs around with them constantly. And this is cool and I love seeing my friends happy but at the same time I want that for myself.
There’s no shame in feeling like this. AT ALL. (Or so I keep telling myself).
I just have to remember that it’s OK to feel alone and to want someone in your life who doesn’t just want a shag.
And I mean may be this is you, maybe you don’t want anything serious and the idea of commitment fills you with horror and that’s OK too. But we don’t all have to feel perfectly fine 100% of the time being single do we?

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