What I want you to know about boobies.

1.Taking my bra off at the end of the day is the second best feeling to taking your ponytail down at the end of the day.

Or maybe it’s better? Either way it’s as good as everyone says it is. If not better. BE FREE MY PRETTIES.

2.They are transitory and move around, and sometimes I don’t even know where they’ve gone.

A beautiful example of this is when I lay on my back and they disappear into my armpit. It’s like Moses parted my tits like he did the red sea.

3. When I run down the stairs, I just hold them.

It’s just an involuntary response. I don’t do it for fun or to feel them jiggle in my hand, it’s more a strategic move so they don’t hit me in the face.

4. I play with them just as much as you want too.

Just like Tigger sings about his tail (soz for ruining your childhood with boob remarks) “They’re bouncy, touncy, flouncy, pouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!” I always catch myself adjusting a boob or just holding them in public and not really realising it. I guess it’s just nice knowing that they’re still there, hangin’ out on my chest.

5. All those really cute lace bralets are pretty but do nothing support wise.

It’s like wearing paper doilies on my nips. Cute, but not practical. And makes them look rather sad and droopy. Spaniel Ears perhaps?

6.I probably look at other women’s breasts more than I care to admit.

No, I’m not a lesbian or a perv (maybe just a little pervy), but it’s nice to know other ladies are out there working it. I just stare and wish mine looked like that.

7.Nipples have a mind of their own.

Sometimes I don’t know if I’m cold, excited or that they’ve just woken up for the day and wanted to check out the scenery. But you can be sure that they’ll go hard at the worst possible time. Like in front of my boss.

8.Good and Bad Boob Days.

Sometimes they just look like absolute shit, but you know there’s some days when you look in the mirror and they just look amazing. And they always look good when you don’t need them too.

9.You DO NOT need to guess my bra size.

That information is for only me and the lovely lady that I let feel me up at the lingerie store. End of.

10.You also DO NOT get to suggest that I get a breast reduction/enhancement/whatever.

Leave the gals alone, they’re not here for your trashy opinions.

11.They hurt like a motherfucker when I’m on my period.

Now boys are probably like ‘ewww period’. Well if your mum had one you wouldn’t exist so be thankful, bitch. But, yeah. Don’t touch them when I’m on my period… I will scream, kick and maybe bite you. You’ve been warned.

12. Nipples are not a second or third clitoris.

Like, touchings great, but flicking? No thanks. They’re not toy, get off mate.

13.Getting punched in the tit is just as bad as being hit in the balls.

Dont @ me.

14. Nipple Piercings? Let’s see!

If you ask me I will block you. Just because they’re pierced doesn’t mean you can see them!

15. Cleavage = creepers.

You could have the tiniest bit of cleavage and people will act like your entire racks out. And even if it is it doesn’t give you the right to stare. Creep.

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