I’ve not done a Tinder/Dating Nightmares post in a hot minute as I’ve been trying to come off of all the dating apps, but I have to admit it is extremely amusing receiving messages from complete fucktards. Which is probably why I’m still on them, that or I like the attention… or both.
1. A common phrase among nob faces.
One thing I don’t think I’ll ever understand is why people think it’s OK to say this? It’s just weird, I mean for all they know I could have piles or a hairy growler. Or both. You may now all form an orderly queue.
2. Spliff anyone?
Why exchange pleasantries when you can jump straight in and ask if they want a spliff? Thanks Craig but I think I’m OK for now.
3. Best faceswap ever.
This speaks for itself.
4. Pew Pew Pew!
A gun that shoots penis’ or his penis used like a gun? Who knows. But what we do know is that he likes building tree houses.
5. Ugly + cocky = cuntish reply from Amy
I’m sorry Jakbaker93 but you’re ugly and cocky, so NO THANK YOU.
6. Package Deal.
Why would you even say that to someone? You wouldn’t be able to pull me on my own Oli, let alone me with two of my very beautiful friends! And fuck off with your Snapchat dog filter you nonce.
7. We didn’t match for a reason mate.
So, not only did we NOT match on Tinder but he then proceeded to find me on Instagram, message me and then sends me dick pics. I fucking wish it wasn’t for me Tony.
8. ‘Dinner Dumper’
Now this did make me laugh a crap tonne (get it), but you have to applaud his confidence to send that as a first message. Kudos mate.
9. Looking great for your age Josh!
You have to give it to him he looks amazing for 37!
10. Small man syndrome?
Now on my profile I said that I want a man taller than me, this CLEARLY upset him and he felt compelled to ask my weight. Why people ask for your weight is completely irrelevant, I don’t give a fuck how much someone weights. Weight means nothing, it’s how you carry it. And I’m not even 14 stone, I’m 16 stone! Ha-Ha-Ha. But anyway, Sam you’re short and a cunt.
11. Cameron = Massive tool.
I think people underestimate the amount of fucking cocks I get message me, and other women. Don’t analyse my profile, break down everything I say and then quote it back to me? I’m not sure what he thought would happen after this? I turn around and say, you know what Cameron? You’re right I do just want fun, thank you so much for opening my eyes and telling me what I want. Twat.
12. Honey BooBoo to the rescue-ue.
I mean at least him AND his friend fancy me. But No Thank You *snaps fingers*.
13. ‘ I guess I was viewing you as an object of sex’
I’m sorry Tom but you were fucking asking for it with this one. These messages were in response to a photo of my nails, my nails, not my asshole or nipples, MY NAILS. He then went on to say how it was meant as a joke? How is that a joke or a compliment. Do tell me! Some men are absolute trash, especially you Tom. I bet your mum wishes she had a period instead of you.
14. There you go mate, enjoy. xoxox
15. Where ya clothes at Wayne?
His ass looks like an Anchor and there’s two cracks in this photo, can you spot them? (the mirror and his bum). It also looks like he took this photo on a potato. A little side note, all of his photos were of him naked, and no I didn’t match with him.