Relationships are never as black and white as we all think. Whether you’re looking at your friend’s relationship or even celebrities relationships which are constantly projected on our tv’s, phones and magazines. But we all think that we know best – especially when it comes to infidelity.
Infidelity: the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner.
Let’s look at one of the more prominent stories of infidelity in the media over the past few months. You would have seen or heard about Khloe Kardashian’s partner cheating on her whilst she was pregnant.
Naturally, it quickly made the headlines and there were loads of rumours flying about of what she was considering to do as a result of finding out about what her partner was up too, however it now seems that this has all been swept under the carpet.
Some of us would hear this and think “what the fuck? Is she mad?!” while others may say “good for her making their relationship work for their soon to be born child”, but what is really right to do in this situation? Even with cold hard evidence that you’ve been a victim of infidelity in a relationship, where is the breaking point? Or where should it be?
There aren’t any rules as to what you should or shouldn’t be doing if you have or you are being cheated on but conventional wisdom suggests that if your partner is unfaithful, you should leave with your head held high with no second chances or hope of reconciliation on the table. Why I hear you ask? Well, trust is like a glass. It’s delicate and if it’s broken, although it can be fixed, it’ll never really be the same as it once was.
With this in mind, I wondered why would you stay with a cheating partner?
Firstly, stability. Some people consider their circumstances to be the most important thing to them, perhaps even above a faithful relationship. Sometimes, cash might be too much of an incentive for women or men to leave their cheating partners. Or even the family routine that some of us become accustomed too, and the thought of changing all of that and affecting your children’s lives is too much to bear, and a bit of broken trust might be a small sacrifice to make in the grand scheme of things for a more stable life.
In a lot of cases, people are just insecure, and dreadfully so, perhaps even blaming themselves for the reason that their partner may have strayed, and therefore maybe even making peace with the fact it’s actually their fault, not their partners. But, you are not the reason he cheated, and blaming yourself is definitely not a reason you should stay.
Another reason may be that you’ve never been cheated on before and you think that things won’t change after you forgive them. But I’m sorry, newsflash guys, everything changes. When I was cheated on I was constantly asking where he was, what he was doing, who he was with etc. Now, this is what broke our relationship, in the end, the constant pestering just got too much for both of us, and this was even more painful than if I called it quits when he cheated.
However, probably the simplest and most uncomplicated reason that people might try and salvage and stay in a relationship if we’ve been cheated on is just down to the fact that we’re still in love, and who can blame us? As much as we’d like it to be, love isn’t a switch you can just turn on and off at any given moment. So even if and when you find out that your partners been playing away, you can’t just disregard your feelings, and blind faith reassures you that is was a mistake or a one-off, or that it won’t happen again. Your rose-tinted glasses keep your breaking heart positively beating in the face of adversity and the harsh reality is that if this person loved you like you loved them – would they really have strayed in the first place? I’m saying, no. In 99% of cases anyway, we can’t tar everyone with the same brush. Even though it may be hard to not do this.
I have found that if you forgive a cheating partner you are saying that it is OK for them to have done what they have. So, if you do forgive your partner you can’t constantly remind them of the act, as you CHOSE to forgive them and their infidelity. Rubbing their nose in it will become tiresome for them and they may end up ending the relationship because of you constantly reminding them.
At the end of the day, relationships are all about choices and monogamy is a big one. When you love, or really like someone you choose to commit to them and when you cheat, you have chosen to break the trust you have with that person and seek something else. Of course, all relationships are different and none of us are in a position to speculate why some might be having problems or straying in a different direction but…
When it comes to cheating, you’ve got to be logical, selfish and think with your head, not your heart. Can this problem be fixed or has it gone too far?