No one is born with a guard up. This guard is built up when you’ve been completely open with someone, worn your heart on your sleeve, given love unconditionally, and then ended up being really hurt. Over a period of time, through heartbreak, rejections, and trust being broken, a subconscious, but very real guard has been built up. These guards are never deliberate, or an insult, they’re just completely natural when you’re trying to avoid emotional pain and heartbreak.
People think that by having this guard up you’re protecting your heart from any further damage. Your way of thinking is that if you don’t let anyone in you don’t get hurt. Right?
But this wall is causing you more grief than good.
These walls that you’ve built up around yourself are what’s holding you back from fulfilling your potential from connecting on a really deep level with someone new, and from having a meaningful relationship. You end up tarring everyone with the same brush and writing off these people who may be great for you.
By keeping everyone out, and not risking letting anyone in, yeah, you’re not letting anyone hurt you again. But by keeping your distance, you end up being the person that no one really understands.
You allow others to see what you want them to see, but there is so much more to you than this. Our most precious possession, our hearts, need protecting, but if you’re genuinely looking for love: you have to love like there’s no such thing as a broken heart.
I was recently speaking to someone who literally pushed me away because they didn’t want to risk being hurt again, we had a great connection but he was too worried about being hurt. It’s sad to me that people push people away to stop themselves being hurt… but then they just end up being alone again?
By pushing people away and not opening yourself up to someone you will always end up alone.
So how do you take down this wall?
Brick by motherfucking brick peeps.
It means being vulnerable. It means exactly what you have been avoiding for so long.
What you always have to remember, is that hearts always mend themselves and bruises heal. And by taking down this wall, yes, you could end up being hurt but it also means that you have opened yourself to finding someone really great who could make you happy!
1. Always be yourself
Some people believe if they show people the ‘real’ version of themselves, then they won’t be accepted and will scare potential partners off. Because of this, they disguise their true selves and simply show a mask.
By protecting yourself, you’re only denying yourself the chance to be completely open with someone. Be comfortable in being yourself. They’ll love you for who YOU are. Not everyone is going to love who you are, but when you find someone who does – there’s no better feeling.
2. Wear your heart on your sleeve
Be vulnerable. There is a difference between being vulnerable and being weak. Showing vulnerability is brave and courageous, and to most people attractive. It shows that you can be open and actually have emotions! No one likes an emotionless toad.
Embrace your feelings and wear your heart on your sleeve. Step out of your comfort zone: dating is risky, but when you get it right, it’s amazing and exciting.
3. Communicate your needs
There’s no need to rush, you can just take things slow. Communicating this to someone you’re seeing can ease the situation greatly, and will help you feel confident in becoming gradually more vulnerable.
Bottling up your worries will just mean you overthink everything. Express your feelings and say what you’re thinking. Not only will it make you feel better but it will make your partner realise where they stand in your life. Take your time and go at your own pace.
It may take time for your guard to be dropped, but it will be worth it. That guard is only denying you the possibility to love. Give yourself a chance and let the wall come down.